Deathbeds
by william.herondale-carstairs
Summary: "Salt my wounds but I can't heal the way I feel about you."


**Recommended Listening: Deathbeds by BMTH.**

 **This is a companion piece to a fic of the same name by a friend.**

 **Rated T for dark themes and character death. I do not own the song or the characters.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

" _Riku, I name you as our new true Keyblade Master."_

" _Riku…."_

" _True Keyblade Master…."_

" _Riku..Riku…._ _ **Riku**_ … _!"_

"Sora!" I open my eyes only to close them again when I'm met with the blinding sun and a pair of shining teal eyes. Blinking in the light I scowl at him and sit up in the sand.

"What are you doing out here? You were supposed to meet me and Kairi at the docks hours ago." I feel his arm brush against me when he sits down. He's too close. My skin crawls with what I convince myself is disgust.

"Sorry...I guess I lost track of time." I can feel his eyes on me as I shift away from him, and I try not to look into them. If I look for too long it almost feels as if everything could go back to the way it was.

I glanced over at Riku when he becomes silent. His silver hair falls over his eyes while he thinks. How easy would it be just to reach up and rake the strands from his face? How easy would it be to gouge out those perfect eyes?

I realize those eyes are on me again. Suddenly, his hand is in my hair, tousling my already messy locks. Inhaling sharply, I almost choke on the air. It takes everything I have not to violently smack the warm hand away from me.

"Kairi went home for the night, wanna go get some ice cream or something?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

I shift away from him again and watch as his hand falls to the sand between us. I want to hold that hand so badly. I can remember how my fingers felt between his...and I think about what his would feel like breaking between mine.

Shaking my head to dislodge the image, I stand up. "I, um, I should actually be heading back home too. It's getting late and I have...stuff to do tomorrow. Raincheck?" I turn my back on him before he can answer and force myself to walk away calmly. _I can't let him see what he does to me. He doesn't deserve it._

By the time I reach my house, I am exhausted. Despite my deliberately slow pace, my breath is leaving me in sharp gasps. It takes more effort than it should to steady my shaking hands and unlock my front door. Once inside the house I collapse against the cool wood. I sink to the floor and bury my hands in my hair. I imagine that they're his hands and hate myself for doing so. I tug on the strands until there are tears in my eyes.

Slumping forward so my head is between my knees, I try to calm my breathing. I'm suddenly glad that my parents are out tonight. I would hate for my mother to see me having another "episode". _Get a hold of yourself, Sora. He's not worth this._

Getting up off the floor is a bit of a struggle, but eventually I do it. When I walk past the kitchen I notice a plate on the counter covered in foil. There is a note on top and I can see my name in my mom's handwriting, but I ignore it and continue to shuffle to my bedroom.

I push open the door to my room and peer into the darkness that awaits me inside. Shuddering a bit, I step inside and close the door behind me without turning on the light. I start to walk toward my bed, but I feel something crunch under my shoe.

I bend down to see what it is, the scant moonlight coming through the crack in my curtains

just barely helping me to see. I lift my foot and see a photo of Riku and I from months ago. It looks like someone had taken the photo when we weren't paying attention. Neither of us are looking at the camera, but instead are looking at each other. The smile on his face is wide as he throws an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I'm looking up at him as if he is the source of all of the light in the universe.

I remember how it felt to have him look at me in the same way.

Throwing the picture away from me with a curse, I fall back onto my bed and pull a pillow over my face. Screaming out my frustrations into the fabric, I try to ignore the tears spilling from the corners of my eyes.

"Sora!" I woke to a cry of my name and to a warm weight pressing down on me. I forced my eyes open, blinking away dried tears from the night before. When had I fallen asleep? Riku was sitting on top of me, his silver hair in disarray; all he wore was a pair of shorts and a desperate expression.

"I don't know what's wrong with us. I don't know why you hate me, but I can't handle this anymore." I only had a moment to brace myself before I felt the push of his lips against mine, there and gone again before I could blink. My hands searched for something to hold onto and found his bare thighs. The flesh was burning under my palms.

When he pulled away from me a whimper slipped out of my parted lips. I was pathetic. I had spent so many months convincing myself of my hate for his man and he managed to undo all of it in seconds.

 _No!_

Releasing his thighs, I brought both of my hands up to his chest and shoved him as hard as I could. Scrambling off of my bed I turn to look at him. He looks confused and hurt and I want nothing more than to wipe that look off of his face.

How easy would it be to just keep going? I didn't need to stop at shoving him. I could climb back onto the bed. I could straddle his waist as he had done to me moments before. And when he thought I was going to kiss him back, I could wrap my hands around his pretty throat and…

Choking out a sob, I turn and run from him.

The skies above me were steel grey and angry. It looks as if they are going to split open at any second and unleash their wrath upon the world below. The ocean seeths beneath me, reflecting my mood, as I row across the short expanse of ocean to make it to the small cluster of islands that were basically my second home as a child.

Not even bothering to pull ashore, I tie my boat to the ladder leading up to my favorite paopu tree. _**Our**_ _favorite paopu tree._ I hate myself for the automatic correction. I couldn't even get him out of my head for more than ten minutes. He was always worming his way into my thoughts...

I had to get away from him. He fucked everything up! I had been doing so well. I had almost learned to hate him, and then he goes and pulls this shit? Angrily pulling myself up the ladder, I trudge through the damp sand and hefted myself up onto the trunk of the tree.

How does he always manage to do this to me? How is he always breaking me down like this? Even before the Mark of Mastery exam, he was always trying to get into my head. Always trying to make me weak.

I scrub my hands against my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. He doesn't deserve this from me. He doesn't deserve anything from me. I should have left him. I should have let the darkness consume him, and the world with him!

"Sora, I'm sorry."

I hadn't even heard him approaching me. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts about him. He was everywhere. I couldn't escape him.

"I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean to...do whatever it was that made you react like that." Everything went still within me. He didn't mean to? No. Of course not. He never meant to.

Looking up at him, he did look remorseful. But remorse wasn't enough. I wanted him on his knees, begging for my forgiveness. "Are you trying to play with my emotions, Riku?" The question came out sharp and freezing. "I don't appreciate it."

"No! Nothing like that Sora. I care for you. You are the most important person in the world to me. I would never intentionally hurt you." He takes a step toward me, reaching out to me. I feel his hand wrap around my wrist and I was falling. I land against his chest where his arms wrap around me, effectively trapping me there. "Please tell me what I can do to make this up to you, I just want things to be like they were before..."

The icy stillness within me vanishes, leaving behind molten chaos. My arms are trapped at my sides, but I clutch at any part of him I can reach, digging my nails into his exposed flesh. I want to tear him apart limb from limb.

I stand on tip-toe and press my mouth against his ear. "What can you do?" A harsh laugh escapes me, the sound broken and manic. "You can disappear."

"There's not a chance in hell that I will leave you. I need you, Sora." His arms tighten around me. "You make me whole. You're my light, the one thing that keeps me from falling back into the darkness." I can hear the strain in his voice. It's almost enough to make me feel badly about what I was doing to him. "What did I do to make you resent me so much?"

And just like that he reminds me of exactly why I am doing this to him. It is _nothing_ compared to what he had done to me.

"Your existence. I hate you for existing!" The words tore themselves from my throat. Suddenly feral, I thrash in his arms and shove him away. Turning, I stumble through the sand. The wet grains are sucking at my feet and making it nearly impossible for me to move. Practically throwing myself over the side of the island, I slide down the ladder and hurry to untie the rope holding me there.

 _Get away, get away, get away, get away!_ Freezing rain fell from the sky in sheets. I can feel it hitting my skin, the sensation similar to having pins and needles driven into my exposed flesh. The cold and the wet made it hard to grip my oars, but I can only think of getting away from him.

My boat rocks and tosses in the waves. I fight against the current, but the storm is too violent. I peer through the rain, trying to see how far I am from shore. Thunder booms over my head and the only source of light in the world is the strobing lightening. Where am I? I had been on the water too long, I should have made it to land by now.

Every time a wave crests, more water sloshes into the boat. I give up on rowing, my arms burning from the strain. I watch the oars disappear into the water with the next wave. I am stranded. I have no way to get back home. Unless….

Cautiously standing, I assess the water churning around me. I had always been a good swimmer. If I was close to the shore, I would be fine. Exhausted and freezing, but fine. I could make it, right? Riku and I had swam that stretch of ocean multiple times. I'm sure I would be… Before I can make my decision, I am plunged into freezing darkness.

Even below the surface, the ocean is seething. The currents tear at me, threatening to drag me to the depths. I am tossed above the surface long enough to gulp in a breath before being sucked back under. I can hear my heart pounding and my blood rushing in my ears.

Forcing myself to move, I swim. I can't make sense of the darkness, I don't know if I am swimming up or down. I thought I felt air on my face and tried to take in as much as possible, only earning myself a mouth full of water.

I am panicking. They say that panicking is the worst thing you can do when you're drowning, but it's hard to stay objective when your lungs are slowly filling with water. I flail beneath the waves, trying to get a hand, my nose, something above the water. Anything that would save me. My throat is filled with glass and salt water. My eyes burn. The water is so cold. I have already lost feeling in the tips of my fingers and toes.

I didn't want to die. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I was supposed to earn my Mark of Mastery and go on to save the world a dozen more times….

" _I need you Sora."_

" _You make me whole, you're my light."_

" _...need you."_

I don't want to die. I want to see him. One last time. I want to tell him how much I hate him….want to tell him how much I love him.

I can't fight anymore. My arms and legs refuse to move. My body makes one last effort to find air, takes one last watery breath.

 _Riku…..I need you too._

* * *

 **Thank you all so much for reading. If you want to see how this ends for Riku, take a look at that fic I mentioned earlier. It can be found at s/ 11354859/ 1/ Deathbeds.**

 **Thank you all once again. Don't forget to review!**


End file.
